A young cook was anxious to show
That he was a hot chef in the know.
He decided to cook something new
In a pie, soup or stew
To make diners exclaim, Yummo!"
In order to prove he's a pro,
A modern-day kitchen Van Gogh,
He said, “I’ll step off the old track
And take a completely new tack.
No beef, fish, or chicken. Oh, no.”
Then he read that they'd found an old tome
Of unusual victuals of long, long ago.
Codswallop, hedgehog, and other delights.
Said he, “I’ll roast a unicorn and I’ll do it right.”
Then off to the market he did go.
Shopping list and recipe firmly in hand,
To the butcher he called “My good man,
I’d like one fresh young unicorn,
Cleaned, dressed and shorn.
Please wrap it as quick as you can!”
Much to the young cook’s surprise,
The butcher laughed ‘til he had tears in his eyes.
“Unicorn?” he chuckled. “Oh, my good lad.
It’s April Fool’s Day and you’ve really been had.
The whole meal is a plateful of lies.”
The cook’s face darkened in frown and fell.
(Like most chefs, he was temperamental as well.)
“Damn you all! You don’t blaspheme about food.
Gastronomy’s sacred; your afterlife’s screwed.
And now you’ll all fry to a crisp in Hell!”
On April 1st, the British Museum announced the startling discovery of a medieval cookbook buried deep in the bowels of memory.
I always knew the Brits excelled at sarcasm.