2/15/2011

Bridge, Badly Played


Is that really the card
you want to play? 
Is it just sadness
that brings out the worst
or are you, deep down,
always this way?
Does bereavement entitle
the bereaved to be thoughtless?
Does your pain trump
and take the day? 

Fine.
You win.
I guess this
just isn’t my game.

****************************

Written for One Shot Wednesday.


2/08/2011

Godspeed


When is it over?
When are we done?
When have our lives
Finished their run?

A stroke of his scythe
Took half of her brain,
And left organs failing
In a cascading chain.

Though unconscious, she lingered,
Her breath fed by machine,
In a place neither here nor there
But somewhere between.

When she was younger
And could still speak her mind
She said, “When my time comes,
Please let me die. That would be kind.”

But now the end is near and
Her old body is ready to go.
It’s so hard for them to say goodbye,
And accept what they know.

Because she loved them,
There was nothing they lacked.
Because they love her,
It’s time to give back.

The machines and tubes are gone now.
The lights are dimmed and she’s resting in peace.
They sit by her side and watch her last breaths.
“We love you, Mom.  Thank you.  Godspeed.”

As I write this, my husband and his sisters are sitting with their 94-year-old mother as she dies. She often said that the one thing she feared the most was to have a stroke that would destroy her brain, leaving her to linger trapped in a useless body.  She had watched her mother-in-law’s life end that way, and she asked her children not to let that happen to her.

Yesterday morning (Saturday), she had a massive stroke that destroyed the right side of her brain. Medical science can keep her alive, but it can never give her back what she has lost. Were she to live, she would be paralyzed on the left side and blind in the left eye, which is the only eye with any vision left.  She would probably be unable to speak and be understood. And she would never again be able to appreciate music, which was one of the few pleasures she had left. 

As hard as it is for her children to honor her wishes, they love her, and so they have.  Tonight, the respirator and all the tubes were removed.  Without them, her breath will likely slow, and then end in a few days. She will be kept comfortable, and allowed to go peacefully, her family at her side.

Godspeed, Mary.

Update:  She died Wednesday night, slipping away peacefully with her family around her.

*********************************

Written for One Shot Wednesday.



2/01/2011

One Night Stand












 

At her door, Jack Frost wrapped himself around her,
Thrilling her with his chill breath upon her neck,
Running frigid fingers up and down her spine, and
Playing cool jazz on her ribcage as if it were a xylophone.

It didn’t occur to her to ask him in for a nightcap,
But the moment she’d opened the door a crack
His pushed it wide and rushed in past her,
Entering into her home like he lived there.

She’d always had a weakness for bad boys.
You know the mild, gentle ones whose delicate touch,
Barely there, tracing softly with warmth
you barely noticed?  They simply bored her.

Oh, but this one was very bad indeed.  No gentle
Touch or warm caress.  There was little doubt
About his hunger, his need, his drive to devour,
Like a starving polar bear who hasn’t eaten in days.

He howled and whirled like a dervish, spinning
And swirling and piercing her skin with his icy touch,   
And then blew through, as his type always do,
Leaving her shivering and ready for a hot shower.

*********************************
Written for One Shot Wednesday.

1/26/2011

Genie-ology


Once upon a time, there was a creative genie.
Sometimes, when he was in a good mood, the genie
Bestowed great riches, lighting the way through the dark.
And words never before spoken began to flow
From the enlightened, woven into fanciful tapestries,
Startling and delightful to even themselves.

As we could have predicted, those lucky enough to be
Favored by the genie became addicted, 
Believing him to be their muse.  Inevitably, however, 
There came the day – as it did, oh, maybe once a decade or so 
(Or maybe not) - when the faithful fell out of favor and the genie
Became bored.  Lured by an obsession with muse-ical entertainments 
Unattainable, poof, the genie was gone, taking hearts with him 
(For sustenance?), disappearing like a thief in the night.

The genie’s faithful fell to their knees, and 
Tore their hair, and beat their empty chests, and
Wailed, and there was great sadness and turmoil in the land.
So dependent had they become on the genie’s largess and 
Guidance, without him, creative words froze in their mouths and, 
Though they tried to speak anyway, they failed and fell mute.   
Hands outstretched, groping, feeling their way, they bumbled 
About in the dark, but could find nothing of value to say.

Ah, but when the genie disappeared, in his place appeared 
Another gift,one perhaps more precious than all the rest.   
Lacking the guidance they’d come to expect from the genie, 
The abandoned were forced to look for it within themselves.
And, lo. Much to their surprise, they rediscovered their hearts, and
The strength within, and many words they never knew they had.   
And there was peace again in the land.

Say, did I mention that as well as creative, the genie was
Unusually smart? Oh, yes, indeed, that he was.
Though he hadn’t completely accepted the unattainability of
His own fantasy muse, he may have recognized a degree of difficulty
Or maybe he just realized the value of what he had tossed aside.
In any case, he returned.to the land.

I wish I could say "And they lived happily ever after."
But the end of the story remains unwritten.
And so shall it stay. At least by this story-teller.
This is all I have to say about the genie. It remains to him
To write the rest of the story.  

Genie, over to you.  

And out.

***

This was written for One Shot Wednesday.

1/22/2011

Where the hell are we?


They are slightly lost.  Pleasantly lost.  Intriguingly lost.  When they decided to spend their honeymoon wandering the “blue routes,” that was the whole idea.  No itinerary, no schedule, no chain hotels or plastic fast food restaurants, and especially no long, colorless ribbons of interstate.  On the morning after the wedding, they’d tossed a suitcase in the trunk of the Camry and headed out of Cambridge. The only plan was to wander west for two weeks, turn around and wander back, searching for a glimpse of yesterday.

They’ve been meandering for a week now and they are somewhere in Indiana, six miles east of Wilkerson, according to the small weathered sign across the street.  

The past hour has been a little dicey.  They went through the worst storm Jill’s ever seen.  The sky turned black as night and the rain came down in torrents, so hard they had to pull over. They sat in the rocking car and waited until it let up.  When the sky brightened and they hit the road again, they were both ready for a stop.   

“Whaddya say we get an early lunch?” Mike asks.

Jill gives a little laugh as she answers, “Sounds good to me.  I’d welcome a side of terra firma with my sandwich.”

A few miles up the road, Mike turns into Red’s Gas ‘n’ Eat and they both gratefully climb out of the car.  How strange, Jill thinks as she glances around.  It doesn't look like it rained here at all.

The place looks like it belongs in one of those tattered old vacation photo albums her parents have. When she was a child, she spent many hours exploring the world between the cracked brown covers of those albums.  She’s always wished she could have traveled with her parents in that old Nash Rambler, wandering the country like vagabonds.

At this moment, she feels like she has fallen down the rabbit hole and joined Mom and Dad on one of their adventures.  Thanks to many faded photographs held in place by little black triangular corners glued to the album page, this gas station-cum-diner is as familiar to her as if she had been here herself back in the day.  There is none of the shiny enamel gleaming over a dozen or so gas pumps that she’s accustomed to finding at the corner Mobil station back home.  For that matter, there are very few pumps.  Beneath a weather-beaten portico out front bearing the faded sign that says “Red's” are two gas pumps with big round heads watching over the few motorists who might still bring their business here.   

Inside, just to the right of the squeaky screen door, a Walter Brennan lookalike stands behind the scarred wooden counter, ready to punch up a sale on a huge old cash register. A whirly metal stand on the counter offers bags of chips and fried pork rinds to take on the road.

To the left beyond a swinging cafĂ© door is a small restaurant, where Jill sits in one of the six booths along the side wall.  She glances across the room.  A round, brilliantly red-haired woman in an unfortunate lavender and white uniform stands behind the counter making the pimento cheese sandwich Jill ordered for lunch.  Mike’s tuna fish on toasted wheat waits nearby.  The name tag pinned just above the white lace handkerchief peeking from a little scalloped pocket on her ample bosom reads "Blanche."  

“But you can call me Red,” Blanche had told Jill as licked the tip of her stubby pencil and prepared to write the lunch order onto a little pad.  “Everybody does.  This here's my place.”

Instead of coming into the diner with her, Mike had headed for the Men’s Room behind the station, saying “Get me a tuna on wheat toast, OK?  I’ll be right in.”  While she waits for Mike to return, Jill spreads the road map open on the table.

Where is he, she wonders.  Shrugging, she turns her attention to the map.  

While they’d been sitting in the car waiting out the storm, she’d looked at the map, trying to get an idea of just where they were, with no luck. Running her finger over the map now, she mutters “Hmmm, Wilkerson, Wilkerson…”

She looks up as Mike slides onto the red leather seat across from her.  "About time.  Lunch will be here in a minute."

“Um, is it just me or is there something a little, I don't know, odd about this place?” Mike asks.

“Yes, I know. Isn’t it great?” To Jill, this is a dream come true. “I wish I could figure out where we are, though."

"I know where we are," Mike smirks. "We're in 1957.  Just look at that car out there."  He nods toward the window.  A salmon-colored Chevy Bel Air has pulled up to one of the pumps.

'Very funny. Here, take a look at the map and see if you can find Wilkerson.”  Jill spins the map around so Mike can look at it.

After a moment of studying the map, Mike says, “Nope. I think the scale might be too big.  Hang on a minute. I’ll go ask ‘Walter’ when he comes back from pumping the gas.  Maybe he has a local map.” Mike grins as he gets up.

"Grab this morning's paper too if they have one," Jill calls as Mike pushes through the doors.

Blanche appears, carrying their sandwiches which are held together by toothpicks sporting little colored tufts, and two frosty bottles of Cokes.  Jill is delighted to see that the bottles are the old-timey hour-glass shape.  As Blanche unloads her tray, setting the sandwiches and Cokes down on the Formica tabletop, Jill asks, “Blanche… uh, sorry, Red, can you give me an idea of just where Wilkerson is?”

“Sure, Darlin’. We’re just a spit and a holler from the Michigan state line. Where’s that map you got?  I’ll show you.”

“Oh, Mike took it out to ask the man at the register.”

“That’s my Fred. Your hubby’s in good hands then. Freddie’ll show ‘im, sure as Bob’s your uncle.”  Blanche gives Jill a wink, and walks back to her spot behind the counter.

As Jill takes a bite of her pimento cheese sandwich – oh, my gawd, this is so good; there are olives in it, she thinks – Mike comes through the swinging doors looking as white as a sheet. In his hand, he holds a map and a newspaper.

“What’s wrong, Honey? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s the map say?”

“Forget the freaking map, Jill.  Look at the newspaper."

He drops the newspaper down in front of her, and Jill stares at the front page.


1/18/2011

Is there anything?


Is there anything lonelier 
Than the emptiness after someone has gone
No farewell,  no "see you soon"
One minute there, the next minute not, and you're alone

Is there anything sadder than knowing
How little your friendship meant
Easy to leave, easier to forget
Ended without regret

Is there anything worse than wondering
Was it something that you did or said
Or if it never mattered at all
Was the connection all in your head

Is there anything
That makes you feel
More like a fool
For caring?

***********************************

This was written for One Shot Wednesday.

1/16/2011

Field Report: Homo Afflictus

.

He sees himself as a drifter. He claims no affiliation and lays down no roots, preferring to wander. Like a modern-day Ponce de Leon, he roams the land in search of the Fountain of Youth or the Fountain of Wisdom or the Fountain of Something Else.  Just what he is searching for remains a mystery, even to him. Just… something.  Anything. Nirvana.

Ah, but he is male, after all, and like so many of his gender, he is lost.  Like most males, he is loathe to accept help. It is unlikely that he will turn to another member of the tribe and ask for direction, support or even a sympathetic ear.  As we have noted, he is a male and as the female of the tribe has been heard to say, “It’s a guy thing.”

The problem starts where it usually does, pride and a misguided sense of direction.  He may have a map, but it is likely a map to the wrong destination, the valley where he thinks he will find happiness.  Even if the map were correct, it is doubtful he would ever look at it.  Like most males of the tribe, he follows his instincts.  Had he the right map, and could set aside his hubris long enough to consult it, he would discover that Nirvana is a lot farther north than he thinks.  It lies somewhere between Heart and Mind.

Is it any wonder that he so often finds himself in deep...  trouble?

**********************************

This was written for the Tenth Daughter of Memory.