1/18/2013

The Road

Bruno. C. / Art Photos / CC BY 

Skinny legs pumping, Amelia

Rode up covered in dust. 

I worry ‘bout this child. 

I’s her mama. That’s what we do.

Her eyes gentled me. "Mama,

This just the beginnin' of the road."



Written for Trifextra: Week Fifty-One at Trifectra. The challenge: write exactly 33 words using one of the three pictures provided. I chose this haunting portrait.
.
Posted by PattiKen
Labels: ,

30 comments:

  1. Grandmother MaryJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    The child is wise, the poem is good- a whole story in so few words.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sandra CrookJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  3. christinaJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    perfect with the image.

    ReplyDelete
  4. joetwoJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    Very nicely done! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brian MillerJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    nice...great dialogue in this...i worry about my kids as well...but it is just the beginning of the road...

    ReplyDelete
  6. PirateGunnJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    Very nice, with the accent so well done..

    ReplyDelete
  7. JenniferJanuary 18, 2013 at 4:48 PM

    That child has eyes with way too much knowledge.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tara R.January 18, 2013 at 4:57 PM

    "Haunting" is a good description of your words too. Beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ReneeJanuary 18, 2013 at 8:48 PM

    I like the dialect you use here. Brings it to life. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thomas Charles MacInnesJanuary 18, 2013 at 11:06 PM

    This is the first use of this prompt that I've read that has had the child's mother involved. It is noteworthy that she is cared for, even under these conditions. Lovely use of words such as, "Her eyes gentled me."

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJanuary 18, 2013 at 11:58 PM

    I like the story you created, looking through her mother's eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  12. SugarHighDDJanuary 19, 2013 at 5:32 AM

    I love this poem! It tells so much about the little girl! It fits the picture so well!

    ReplyDelete
  13. JaniceJanuary 19, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    You've managed to say so much in so few words.

    ReplyDelete
  14. kymmJanuary 19, 2013 at 1:38 PM

    Isn't that always the way...

    ReplyDelete
  15. RachaelJanuary 19, 2013 at 2:16 PM

    Hopefully the road leads to better place than the one she's growing up in.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maude LynnJanuary 19, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    Beautifully done!

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2013 at 4:12 PM

    A sharp little girl, isn't she? :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. BoJanuary 19, 2013 at 5:14 PM

    Terrific words.

    ReplyDelete
  19. CherylJanuary 19, 2013 at 8:00 PM

    Well done. Makes me want to read more. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. dontpanic2011January 20, 2013 at 12:26 AM

    Hope in the midst of poverty. I like this.

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2013 at 1:48 AM

    Love the connection you created through mother's eyes. And the last line says so much about the girl's positive attitude.

    ReplyDelete
  22. lumdog2012January 20, 2013 at 8:31 AM

    Interesting characters created with so few words. Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  23. AtreyeeJanuary 20, 2013 at 10:20 AM

    A mother's love makes her worry for her child -always,even when the child has become an adult:-)

    Lovely sentiments & I liked the way Amelia reassures her Mom-am sure she will grow up to be a fine young woman & make her Mom proud:-)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anjum Wasim DarJanuary 20, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    Great insight of life

    ReplyDelete
  25. UnknownJanuary 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM

    so much said in so few words, very nice

    ReplyDelete
  26. TessaJanuary 20, 2013 at 8:23 PM

    Very sweet and haunting! Beautiful poem.

    ReplyDelete
  27. TrifectaJanuary 20, 2013 at 8:35 PM

    This leaves me cheering hard for the girl. And the mama.

    ReplyDelete
  28. jasmine calyxJanuary 20, 2013 at 10:55 PM

    This is awesome. Great job. Great voice. Great language.

    ReplyDelete
  29. BimbimbieJanuary 24, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    Hi Patti - it's been a while since I pushed my nose out into blogyland ...

    you make the reader feel the loving concern each has for the other.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Katherine KrigeFebruary 9, 2013 at 4:49 PM

    Love this Patti. Love, love love your message. And the reminder to keep letting kids be kids. ♥

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts? I would love to hear from you.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)