1/18/2013

The Road

Bruno. C. / Art Photos / CC BY 

Skinny legs pumping, Amelia

Rode up covered in dust

I worry ‘bout this child. 

I’s her mama. That’s what we do.

Her eyes gentled me. "Mama,

This just the beginnin' of the road."



Written for Trifextra: Week Fifty-One at Trifectra. The challenge: write exactly 33 words using one of the three pictures provided. I chose this haunting portrait.
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31 comments:

  1. The child is wise, the poem is good- a whole story in so few words.

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  2. Very nicely done! :)

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  3. nice...great dialogue in this...i worry about my kids as well...but it is just the beginning of the road...

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  4. Very nice, with the accent so well done..

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  5. That child has eyes with way too much knowledge.

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  6. "Haunting" is a good description of your words too. Beautiful.

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  7. I like the dialect you use here. Brings it to life. Nice.

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  8. This is the first use of this prompt that I've read that has had the child's mother involved. It is noteworthy that she is cared for, even under these conditions. Lovely use of words such as, "Her eyes gentled me."

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  9. I like the story you created, looking through her mother's eyes.

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  10. I love this poem! It tells so much about the little girl! It fits the picture so well!

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  11. You've managed to say so much in so few words.

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  12. Isn't that always the way...

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  13. Hopefully the road leads to better place than the one she's growing up in.

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  14. A sharp little girl, isn't she? :)

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  15. Well done. Makes me want to read more. :)

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  16. Hope in the midst of poverty. I like this.

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  17. Love the connection you created through mother's eyes. And the last line says so much about the girl's positive attitude.

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  18. Interesting characters created with so few words. Nicely done.

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  19. A mother's love makes her worry for her child -always,even when the child has become an adult:-)

    Lovely sentiments & I liked the way Amelia reassures her Mom-am sure she will grow up to be a fine young woman & make her Mom proud:-)

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  20. so much said in so few words, very nice

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  21. Very sweet and haunting! Beautiful poem.

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  22. This leaves me cheering hard for the girl. And the mama.

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  23. This is awesome. Great job. Great voice. Great language.

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  24. Hi Patti - it's been a while since I pushed my nose out into blogyland ...

    you make the reader feel the loving concern each has for the other.

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  25. Love this Patti. Love, love love your message. And the reminder to keep letting kids be kids. ♥

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Thoughts? I would love to hear from you.