1/18/2013

The Road

Bruno. C. / Art Photos / CC BY 

Skinny legs pumping, Amelia

Rode up covered in dust

I worry ‘bout this child. 

I’s her mama. That’s what we do.

Her eyes gentled me. "Mama,

This just the beginnin' of the road."



Written for Trifextra: Week Fifty-One at Trifectra. The challenge: write exactly 33 words using one of the three pictures provided. I chose this haunting portrait.
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31 comments:

Grandmother said...

The child is wise, the poem is good- a whole story in so few words.

Sandra Crook said...

Nicely done.

christina said...

perfect with the image.

joetwo said...

Very nicely done! :)

Brian Miller said...

nice...great dialogue in this...i worry about my kids as well...but it is just the beginning of the road...

Managua Gunn said...

Very nice, with the accent so well done..

Jennifer said...

That child has eyes with way too much knowledge.

Tara R. said...

"Haunting" is a good description of your words too. Beautiful.

Renee McKinley said...

I like the dialect you use here. Brings it to life. Nice.

Tom MacInnes said...

This is the first use of this prompt that I've read that has had the child's mother involved. It is noteworthy that she is cared for, even under these conditions. Lovely use of words such as, "Her eyes gentled me."

jannatwrites said...

I like the story you created, looking through her mother's eyes.

SugarHighDD said...

I love this poem! It tells so much about the little girl! It fits the picture so well!

Janice said...

You've managed to say so much in so few words.

Draug said...

Smart kid (:

kymm said...

Isn't that always the way...

Rachael said...

Hopefully the road leads to better place than the one she's growing up in.

Mama Zen said...

Beautifully done!

tenwordstory said...

A sharp little girl, isn't she? :)

Bo said...

Terrific words.

Cheryl said...

Well done. Makes me want to read more. :)

Wisper said...

Hope in the midst of poverty. I like this.

muZer said...

Love the connection you created through mother's eyes. And the last line says so much about the girl's positive attitude.

lumdog2012 said...

Interesting characters created with so few words. Nicely done.

Atreyee said...

A mother's love makes her worry for her child -always,even when the child has become an adult:-)

Lovely sentiments & I liked the way Amelia reassures her Mom-am sure she will grow up to be a fine young woman & make her Mom proud:-)

anjum artwriter said...

Great insight of life

Jennifer Cooper said...

so much said in so few words, very nice

Tessa said...

Very sweet and haunting! Beautiful poem.

Trifecta said...

This leaves me cheering hard for the girl. And the mama.

jasmine calyx said...

This is awesome. Great job. Great voice. Great language.

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Patti - it's been a while since I pushed my nose out into blogyland ...

you make the reader feel the loving concern each has for the other.

Katherine Krige said...

Love this Patti. Love, love love your message. And the reminder to keep letting kids be kids. ♥