tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5798063279768967876.post2000050282282751615..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.739-04:00Comments on PattiKen and the Muses: A Dame with a Past - Part 9PattiKenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02894925987580502697noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5798063279768967876.post-33739994956787984232014-02-19T18:26:35.312-05:002014-02-19T18:26:35.312-05:00I'm afraid I have to the buck the trend, here....I'm afraid I have to the buck the trend, here. This bored me. It started picking up about 2/3rds of the way through it, then slowed back down around 3/4ths through. There was little drama, a lot of exposition, and almost no mystery.<br /><br />Sure, it's a nice change of pace, but this is ultimately a literary version of talking heads. I did this, then that happened, then he did that, then we did that, then... etc.<br /><br />Where's the subplot about the family? Where's Harry's emotional toil concerning this woman he once... (there's a story)? Where's Marty's lament that he's getting kind of bored (after all, when it boils down to it, he doesn't do anything... except walk up and down a building a few times).<br /><br />All that out of the way, this deserves a rewrite (and, perhaps, an expansion).JeffScapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00190641629175438603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5798063279768967876.post-58181815117466862782014-02-19T17:25:56.526-05:002014-02-19T17:25:56.526-05:00The narrow page drives me nuts, so I've cut an...The narrow page drives me nuts, so I've cut and paste the whole thing into a Word doc. Reading now!JeffScapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00190641629175438603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5798063279768967876.post-66723280958609897322014-02-19T07:07:32.326-05:002014-02-19T07:07:32.326-05:00yes, not quite the whodunit I was thinking it woul...yes, not quite the whodunit I was thinking it would turn into, but still very good. Nice twist at the end too! A-1 stuff here, PattiTomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10948978798395906663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5798063279768967876.post-28581544003703276042014-02-17T17:15:43.471-05:002014-02-17T17:15:43.471-05:00Hah, I kept cringing thinking there was going to b...Hah, I kept cringing thinking there was going to be an obligatory murder. Happily ever after-after .... Well done.Harnett-Hargrovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07486168670308150669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5798063279768967876.post-77751158525202126942014-02-16T20:12:58.158-05:002014-02-16T20:12:58.158-05:00Naawwww. Actually I really liked this. I thought t...Naawwww. Actually I really liked this. I thought there were going to be some 'thrill' skeletons in the closet but, turns out they weren't necessary to make it a good yarn. Muses well-addressed and it's a fair conclusion to a believable story. The characters are likeable. Style tended to be expository in a lot of cases,(something I'm guilty of myself) but a solid, descriptive effort. Still got it Patti.Bainohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14156193098088048637noreply@blogger.com